Crossfit and Body Image: Embrace who you are becoming

by ~jenniferlynn on June 17, 2014

in Body Image, CrossFit, NROLFW, Skinny Girl Problems

Forever ago I started a post as part of a monthly blogging challenge (September, 2012 to be exact). I wrote and re-wrote the post and tried to get my thoughts out how I best wanted to say what I wanted to say, but nothing came out right. So there it sat, collecting dust in my drafts folder for well over a year. I expressed some thoughts on Crossfit and body image in my post about measuring progress in ways outside of the body and another on why I think incentive-based programs like DietBet are discouraging, but still there were things left unsaid.

Unlike the many inspiring weight lifting ladies I’ve encountered through Facebook groups, blogging, and other forums, I don’t have a weight loss story to share, nor a tale of how I went from a distorted body image to where I am now. I never flipped through magazines, wondering what it would be like to look like those women and never even crossed my mind to spend hours on an elliptical or treadmill to achieve some unattainable body type. I never considered creating Pinterest boards for supermodel workouts, and never even heard of thigh gap until this year (which, if you don’t know what it is, don’t even bother looking it up). Maybe I lived a bit of a sheltered adolescence, but I didn’t even realize how common negative body image among average girls until I started blogging. 

How could so many women not like what they have been blessed with?

How do you look in the mirror and only see flaws?

Why are women jumping from one fad diet or workout program to another, struggling so hard to find something that makes them feel good inside and out?

Sure everyone, has less than desirable body parts.. I never liked my Polish nose. I used to wish my chest was larger and still think my knees look funny.

But I never hated my body.

My story is I’ve always been skinny. 

222384_6238072291_5237_n

And later in life, I stayed skinny and felt I looked pretty darn good. It was not uncommon for someone to comment on me being thing, so working out and eating healthy was on the lowest of low priorities in my life. Even throughout most of my 20s, I would indulge on pizza, pasta, Chinese food, and tortilla chips weekly. The scale never hit over 123# and I was okay with that.

March, 2011 I got the crazy idea to run a 5k and started training for that. I knew nothing about nutrition, health, or fitness, so continued just doing what I was doing. And with six months of “training” my weight dropped to 119. I felt great. I thought I looked great. I still ate as much as I wanted whenever I wanted, though would hardly be called healthy by any textbook definition. Six months later I ran my first 5k and 36 minutes and 14 seconds later, I never had been prouder.

run for the detroit zoo 5k jennifer hudy

I never used running as a way to lose weight, rather it was a way to cope with a heartache and a way to not be such a couch potato; but then it became the catalyst to proving to myself that I could do those things that I used to think I could never do.

The first time I touched a dumbbell was in February, 2012 and became almost obsessed with researching fit women and strength athletes, aspiring to be just like them. I became infatuated with this new-found ideal, healthy physiques paired with a confident glow. Many of these women wouldn’t be considered my old definition of “skinny”, and I could see an intimidation that some would consider the look unattractive, or “too much” or “masculine.” But my whole perception of what is attractive started to change.

new rules of lifting for women before picture

February 22, 2012: First day of NROLFW

There is a “Strong is the new Skinny” movement, and while it has become a cliché phrase, I like the idea as it encourages a different way of thinking; that rather than striving for a certain body image, aim for something different.

Per the magazines found on any newsstand, most women want to “bust belly fat!”; but I want thick, defined, core. They want lean, “toned” arms; I want strong, muscular shoulders. They want to “say buh-bye to bulge!” and I want to rock my booty. I want a back with definition that stands out when I do pull-ups.

My goal had never been to change my body. 

But through my level of commitment and my desire to do better for myself, my body is changing, and continues to change. Recently, I tried to put on a dress that I wore just four months prior and I could no longer zip up the back because of my growing lats. I had to get rid of over half of my clothes over the past year that no longer fit due to my shoulders or quads or glutes. My weight has gone up and now it’s coming back down.

Crossfit has given me a renewed outlook on how I look and how I feel. I look in mirror and see my strength. I see PRs and I see the confidence that I have gained over the past two years. I see my thick thighs and solid abs, hidden under their happy layer of fat. I have never been happier, stronger, or in a better place mentally and physically. I love pushing myself everyday in the gym, lifting heavy, and using Eat to Perform to fuel it. I can even see in pictures not only has my physical self changed, but there is more confidence and pride in my stature.

You don’t need to be on a weight loss journey to improve yourself or to acknowledge your progress and your body acceptance. You don’t need to aspire to “look like a beast” or to gain weight or get more muscly.

You need to be able to look in the mirror and see yourself for the person that you are becoming and recognize how far you have come already. Look in the mirror and see past the imperfections and the body hatred and just embrace the you that is looking back. Learn to love yourself. Embrace who you are becoming by loving who you are today.

Embrace who you are becoming by loving who you are today. For Crossfit motivation, inspiration, and more, check out www.winetoweightlifting.com

Chris @ ifailedfran June 17, 2014 at 5:44 pm

As humans, we are always changing. We are constantly evolving. If we only look ahead to where our future may reside, and only love that image of us, we miss out on life. We may never get to that future, but we are here, present, in this moment. It is important to find happiness in ourselves on every given day.
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~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 7:18 am

Agree.. important to recognize where you are at today and be comfortable with that before you can strive for something more in the future, Crossfit or otherwise. Being miserable today isn’t going to make anything any easier going forward. And being happy today will at least make it a bit easier to keep on pushing through. 🙂

Amy @ The Little Honey Bee June 17, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Incredible post.
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~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 7:16 am

Thank you, Amy!

Martha June 17, 2014 at 9:30 pm

Nicely put! I don’t think the fact that you were never on a “weight loss journey” takes anything away from your story. I’ve seen your progress all along, mentally and physically and you have had one heck of a trip. You should be proud of where you are and where you’ve been!
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~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 7:16 am

Thanks, Martha. I sometimes feel out of place like “what does she know- she’s just always been skinny”.. but so happy to have met you along my way and yes- you have def been there through my ups and downs! 🙂

Megan June 18, 2014 at 3:42 am

awesome post – I am also on a journey to getfithappyhealthy. My goals are my own, and unique to just me! would love it if you followed my journey too 🙂
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~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 7:15 am

Good luck on the journey! 🙂

Danielle @ It's a Harleyyy Life
Twitter: itsaharleyylife
June 18, 2014 at 6:38 am

Love this post. ! (:
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~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 7:15 am

Thanks, girl!

Sky @ The Blonde In Black June 18, 2014 at 11:41 am

This is what I needed to hear today. I’ve been doing Crossfit for a solid 3 weeks now and I’m loving the outlook on my body it has given me. I’ve also always been skinny. Once I started college since I didn’t have sports I had to start figuring out how to take care of my body on my own. This past year I started to get into weightlifting and now into Crossfit. I’ve never had an eating disorder that could be called a disorder nor have I do I have a weight loss story. I want to build a strong body that I can appreciate for what it does for me. Once again I loved reading this post.
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~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Thanks, Sky!! I hope you love it!

For me, it was actually gaining weight that I started to feel better and stronger and just so empowered! Keep it up, girl!

Jacki
Twitter: JackiRHayes
June 18, 2014 at 12:32 pm

Seeing this reminds me that I recently found a pic of me after one of my very first 5K’s (my second one actually). My reaction was “OMG, I was so skinny”. I still have the tank and shorts and I’m planning on getting a photo in them to really see the differences in how my body looks now compared to then. I have to say, I’m much happier 15lbs heavier, but I still struggle with body image issues. From being small breasted to now having a belly, I understand looking in a magazine and wishing my body was different.
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~jenniferlynn June 19, 2014 at 7:07 am

Isn’t it weird how our perceptions change?

I too, have the small chest, bit of a belly issue. But I think sometimes we see it differently than others – we are our worst critic. That’s why I have to keep reminding myself of what my body does, and the parts of me that I love, and it takes away from those pesky things that heck, might never go away. Look at some of the CF games athletes, even. A lot of them have this solid six pack or all these abs, but they are not rocking flat stomachs, but still solid ladies!

Hope CF is going well for you!

Ree June 18, 2014 at 3:13 pm

Excellent, excellent post. Without going into detail, I’ll just say thank you for this. I needed it today 🙂

~jenniferlynn June 18, 2014 at 3:37 pm

Aww, happy to help! 🙂

Jen @ Chase the Red Grape June 19, 2014 at 6:08 am

Thank you so much for this post! I really needed it!

I am almost a year into CrossFit and my body has changed so much! Growing exactly where you are – lats, glutes and thighs (and muscles growing on my stomach) but finding it so difficult – esp when you don’t fit into any of your clothes (and when you shop you realise nothing is made for an athletic build!).

But the main thing is how strong I am becoming – both in body and mind. I have increased in weight (and I needed to!!) but have done so through building muscle and power in my body – no better way to do it! Ok so the majority of women don’t look like us – but that’s what makes us special – the hard work that goes into our body and the better women we are because of it.
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~jenniferlynn June 19, 2014 at 6:54 am

Thanks for reading, Jen, and feel free to share! I so much agree that you grow in both mind and body with Crossfit – there are ups and downs but only makes us stronger all around! Keep it up, girl! 🙂

Joanna Broadbent June 19, 2014 at 7:22 pm

Excellent post lady! Love it!!!
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Nicole
Twitter: mast2mar
June 21, 2014 at 10:40 am

Yes I totally understand the whole, “my jeans no longer fit because my quads are meant for athletic endeavors…” lol, I too literally had to buy a few new pairs when I started tri training because I’ve been doing body pump 2x/week. And I’ve always had broad shoulders so tops/fitted jackets have always been a problem, no idea what would happen if I had your definition on top of it too!Keep rocking the positive image Jen 🙂
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Shea June 21, 2014 at 9:19 pm

This post is so dope! I was one of those girls that looked in the mirror and hated what I saw not because I felt like I was fat or overweight. I didn’t like what I saw because of how overly sexualized (is that a word, lol) curvy figures were and for a young girl I did not know how to handle that sort of attention. Everything about my body made me feel ashamed when grown men would hit or me or my classmates made derogatory comments to me. As I grew older I learned to lover what I have but I still have my moments when I try hide my body because I don’t care for the extra attention.

On another note I started a fitness journey last year, not even to lose weight but just because I had become complacent and I needed to challenge myself. I had already changed my diet by giving up meat, dairy and processed foods so it only made sense to take my body from being good to being great. I weight train at least four times a week and I LOVE it. I swear I amaze myself sometimes, I can’t believe how strong I’ve become. It’s nice to be ripped but I don’t see a figure competition anywhere in my future, lol. Right now I just like being about to squat 185lbs unassisted!

I just found you via SITS, I am also a lady that lifts heavy. I can’t wait to read your other posts!

Evelyn @ Young Hip Fit July 2, 2014 at 2:14 am

Great post! I don’t do CrossFit, just a general weight lifting “body building plan,” but yes I think one of the biggest things is just embracing who you are, what you have, and making the most of it.

Now the most important thing to me is beating a PR. 🙂
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chris koski July 3, 2014 at 10:03 pm

Glad you’re enjoying the crossfit community! Keep at it girl, you are awesome!
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~jenniferlynn July 4, 2014 at 7:33 am

Thanks, Chris!!

Lisa RunFastMama
Twitter: runfastmama
July 7, 2014 at 12:36 pm

LOVE IT! I too love the confidence that being fit and healthy brings as well as the pride of new PRs! Beautifully written post!
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~jenniferlynn July 7, 2014 at 1:00 pm

Thanks, Lisa!! 🙂

Robyn April 24, 2015 at 7:43 am

Why haven’t I seen your blog before? You’re awesome! Love your topic choices and blog points.I’m a fan, officially 🙂

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